


Turning Page

by ms_angstyromance



Category: Chicago Fire, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: 21st District Police Station (Chicago PD), Action & Romance, Angst and Drama, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Badass Hailey Upton, Badass Kim Burgess, Badass Stella Kidd, Badass Sylvie Brett, Brettsey angst, Drama, F/M, Firehouse 51 as Family (Chicago Fire), Friendship/Love, Girls Night Out, Hurt Stella Kidd, Hurt Sylvie Brett, Love, Molly's (Chicago Fire), One Chicago (Chicago Franchise), Protective Kelly Severide, Protective Matthew Casey, Romance, Stellaride angst, Worried Kelly Severide, Worried Matthew Casey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:47:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28313298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ms_angstyromance/pseuds/ms_angstyromance
Summary: After Brett takes a step back from Casey so he can figure out his feelings and what he wants, Stella shows up ready to take her best friend out for a girl's night with Hailey Upton and Kim Burgess. Their night out takes an unexpected turn when the new night club they're at becomes the latest target of a serial bomber, leaving the girls and everyone inside trapped and severely injured. Putting their own injuries aside to help the victims and keep them alive, things take a turn for the worst and the girls are put to the ultimate test in the fight for their lives. On the outside, having seen the bombing on the news at Molly's, Casey and Severide, along with Jay and Adam, rush to the scene but when the unthinkable happens, further trapping the girls and putting their lives in even more danger, the guys are left on the sidelines feeling angry and helpless.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Adam Ruzek, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton, Kim Burgess/Adam Ruzek, Matthew Casey & Kelly Severide, Stella Kidd/Kelly Severide, Sylvie Brett & Stella Kidd, Sylvie Brett & Stella Kidd & Hailey Upton & Kim Burgess, Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Comments: 79
Kudos: 314





	1. Sylvie

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> So, it's been a while since I've written a fanfic, but Brettsey has been calling me and I had this storyline come to mind, and I could not resist! If it's not clear, this takes place after the events of 9x02. I hope you like it! If so, please leave a comment 'cause I'd love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Also, MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
> 
> Happy reading!

_“My feelings for you, they’re real, regardless of Gabby.”_

The look of anguish on Matt’s face was still burned into mind. It was enough to make me want to reach out and grab him, and never let go. But I couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t have been right, or fair—to either of us.

I grabbed the bottle of wine from the fridge and a glass from the cupboard, and made my way into my living room, only to stop before I reached the couch.

The couch.

The spot where everything changed.

Things would have gone a lot further had I not opened my mouth and asked Matt about Gabby, but I had to. It was the one thing that was holding me back from being with him completely and I needed to know. I needed to hear the words straight from his mouth, I needed him to say that he was over Gabby, that even if she came back to Chicago, there was no chance he would leave with her if she asked. I needed to hear everything and know we were on the same page before I dove in further with him, but as I suspected, he and I were on two very different pages and that’s how it was always going to be.

And that’s why I had to walk away from him.

Before I could get lost in my thoughts, there was a soft knock at my front door. It was hard not to think about the last time someone knocked on my door unexpectedly, only I knew the man I was falling in love with wouldn’t be on the other side this time.

“Brett, open up. I know you’re home, your car’s out front.” Stella called, knocking once more before I pulled the door open. “Finally.” She took one look at me and the bottle of wine in my hand and shook her head, before moving past me and into my apartment. “Glad to see you’ve showered already, it’ll save time.”

_Save time? For what?_

Closing the door behind her, I followed her into the living room, watching as she tossed her leather jacket down on the couch and faced me. It was then I took notice to what she was wearing.

“Um … Stell, what’s with the outfit?” She was dressed in tight black jeans, boots that came up mid-calf, and a dark blue top that hung open showing more cleavage than I needed to see. “I’m surprised Severide let you leave in that.”

She smirked. “I have my ways of persuasion.”

“Uh huh,” I said with a small laugh as I moved into the kitchen and opened the bottle of wine, not giving a second thought to my over pour as with the events of the day, it was deserved. “So, what was that about saving time? And what are you doing here, dressed like _that_?” I asked, looking her up and down.

“I’m here for you.”

Setting my glass down, I eyed her curiously. “Me?”

Stella nodded and started walking toward my bedroom. “You and I are going out tonight—and before you say anything to try and get out of it, don’t worry, we’re not going to Molly’s.”

I followed her into my room and watched as she started going through my closet, sliding hangers from one side to the other, shaking her head at everything. “And where exactly are we going?”

“Geeze Brett, do you not own any dresses?” Stella said as she kept sliding the hangers to the side, not hearing what I asked. “I’ll even settle for a skirt.”

“Toward the—here,” I moved around her and riffled through everything I owned until I found the few dresses I had. Grabbing them, I turned and tossed them on the bed.

“So, what’s the plan? Where are we going?”

“Well,” she picked up a dress and held it up to me. “I have a friend who just opened this new club a few blocks from Molly’s”—she tossed the dress back on the bed and grabbed a different one and held it up to me— “and tonight’s the official opening night, so he put us on the VIP list. I thought a girl’s night out would be just what you needed.” She shook her head, tossing the dress and grabbing another, holding it up. “Kim and Hailey are meeting us there, too.”

“And you didn’t want to take Severide, make it date night instead?”

“Kelly’s idea of a date night lately is going to Molly’s, on my night off, and drinking with the guys—who we see all the time. Sometimes, a girl just wants to go dancing. And tonight, that’s what we’re doing.” Her brows pulled together in thought before she tossed it aside and grabbed the last option. Her lips pursed together as her eyes scanned over the dress quickly before giving it a nod of approval. “Wear this. You still have those knee-high boots?”

I nodded.

“Good. Wear ‘em with this.” She handed me the dress. “I’m going to get a drink while you change.”

I waited until she left the room, the door closing softly behind her before pulling my sweatshirt and leggings off and tossing them into the laundry basket to my right. Taking the dress, I rolled the gold fabric between my fingers, I couldn’t remember the last time I wore it, or _if_ I ever did. It wasn’t like I had gone on many dates recently, the last date I had was with Kyle, but that had been the day before I called off the engagement and moved back to Chicago.

There hadn’t been anyone since, but it was by choice because there was only one person I wanted to be with, one person who consumed my thoughts day and night, who had woven his way into my heart and right through to my soul, and that was Matt Casey.

As I pulled the dress on and slid my arms through the straps, our conversation from earlier was on a constant replay and I couldn’t turn it off. He had barely said anything to me before I left his quarters almost in tears. It was silly though, as much as I wanted a different outcome for us, I knew in my gut the second we started talking that it was inevitable, and I was about to walk away from him with a broken heart.

It’s time to move on.

_Is it?_

There was a soft knock before Stella opened the door and poked her head inside. “Hey, you okay?”

I cleared the lump that had formed in my throat. “Yep, just trying to remember the last time I wore this, that’s all,” I lied, faking a smile as our eyes met in the mirror.

She eyed me and turned the glass in her hand, the amber liquid swooshing around. “So … wanna talk about what happened between you and Casey today?”

My cheeks flushed and I quickly looked away. “What do you mean?”

I had yet to tell her about what happened when he showed up my place the other night. I wasn’t keeping it from her, there just hadn’t been a right time to say anything and I wasn’t sure I was ready to talk about it, about _any_ of it. I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed and, in a way, rejected.

If it had been any other guy, it would be a whole other story, but it wasn’t, it was _Casey_ and we had grown so close over the last year and a bit, that the thought of losing him, the thought of not having him in my life anymore made everything inside me hurt tenfold.

He had become an important person in my life, my best friend, the one who had driven me home and slept on my couch after Julie died because he didn’t want me to be alone. He was the one who could tell that something was wrong with a single look, who had a way of making me feel so understood and comfortable that I could tell him anything, _anything_ at all, and I knew he’d never judge me, and I didn’t want to lose that, but after everything, I was terrified that’s exactly what happened.

“I saw you two, in his quarters after you got back from your call … it looked intense.”

I could feel her eyes on me as I smoothed my hands over my dress. “Oh, that? That was nothing.”

“Sylvie,” she said, so softly I almost didn’t hear her. “I know it wasn’t nothing …”

I glanced at her over my shoulder, but before I could say anything, the look on her face told me everything I needed to know. _Casey._ “Oh.”

“He was in mood when I got home, but Kelly kinda gave me a bit of a rundown on what happened, at least what he knew because according to him, getting it from Casey was not an easy job.” Stella moved and took a seat on the edge of my bed. “So, what happened?”

“Umm …” I bit my bottom lip as I walked and sat across from Stella on the other side of the bed. “Casey and I kissed the other night.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh boy.” She knocked back the rest of her drink and set the cup on the bedside table. “So much for acting like nothing happened.”

“It’s a little more complicated than that.”

“I’m dating Kelly Severide, clearly I love complicated.” She looked at me, urging me to continue.

I knew there was no way I was getting out of telling her, not when she was giving me her famous Stella Kidd look. “The other night, Casey showed up at my door wanting to know why I had been avoiding him all day at work, and it was because when he was around, every time I saw him, all I wanted to do was go up to him and kiss him. The control I’ve had these last however months, has been slipping by the minute and I was afraid what I’d do if I was near him. So, I stayed as far away as I could.”

“Wait,” she waved her hand in the air. “I’m lost. First you basically told him you’re in love with him, then you tell me you’re going to act as if nothing happened, so what changed?”

“We were at Molly’s the other night and Gallo started telling Capp and Tony about the accident and how Casey jumped out of the truck when it was still moving—thanks for telling me by the way—but, something changed, we had this … moment and it just freaked me out because suddenly, sitting there, across from him, hearing what he did, it took everything in me to not jump across the table and have my way with him.”

“First off, I was _going_ to tell you, but then you had your little freak out and decided acting like nothing happened was the best idea, so then I thought I’d just keep that to myself until the time was right, and secondly, when you say you two had a moment, you mean …”

“I mean, I couldn’t move, Stell. My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, I forgot how to breathe, and I couldn’t move, I didn’t _want_ to _._ It’s like everything around us stopped and disappeared, and it was just the two of us sitting there lost in each others gaze.” I ran my hand through my hair and shifted my body so we were facing each other. “I’ve never experienced anything like it before and I didn’t want it to end, but then it did and every part of me was alive and I wanted to …”

“Jump him?”

“Oh yeah, and I didn’t care _who_ was around.”

“But instead, you freaked out and left? Then avoided him at work, making him think he did something wrong?”

I nodded.

“Then he showed up here wanting to know what was going on and you kissed him—finally, might I add.”

Again, all I could do was nod my head.

Her brows pulled together with confusion. “And now things weird between you guys?”

“No, that would be us on my couch, making out, about sixty seconds from moving to my bedroom, when I asked him if Gabby were to come back and ask him to go with her, would he go.”

Stella rolled her lips together and her eyes widened. She reached out for her glass and brought it to her lips before she remembered it was empty. “Damn, I should have waited to finish this,” she whispered, setting the glass back down. “Let me get this straight, just so I know we’re on the same page. You’ve been in love with Casey for a while, you find out he pretty much feels the same way about you, then he shows up at your door—probably with that intense look only Matthew Casey can give—you kiss him, and then moments from taking things further, you brought up his ex-wife?”

When she says it, it sounds horrible, like I was looking for an excuse to push him away, but that’s not what I was doing. I wanted to be with him, more than anything, but there was one thing, one large detail that had been holding me back from making a move, and that was Gabby. I _needed_ to know, I couldn’t bring myself to fall for him even more while always wondering if I was just a temporary fix until she returned and wanted him back, and he went with her.

My heart would never recover if it were to be broken by Matt Casey.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what happened.”

“What did he say?”

“That he hadn’t talked to her in a while and that he didn’t know. And then I thanked him for being honest and that I knew he’s been in love with Gabby this whole time. He said it was complicated, I told him it wasn’t, and then I asked him to leave. And he did. Then I drank a bottle of wine and cried myself to sleep.”

“All right, okay.” Stella ran her hand through her hair, flipping it to the side. “Do I think that was the right time to ask? Eh, probably not, but it is what it is. I’m just a little confused about _why_ you asked him, I mean I know you and Gabby were friends and that seeing them together there’s that history, so I get that part, but I get the feeling there may be more to it.”

I sighed and picked at a loose thread on my blanket. “I don’t want to just date, I don’t want a fling. I want _the one_. I want to be someone’s first choice, not second, and I want to be with someone who wants to be with me, all in. And I couldn’t move forward with Casey if there was a chance he’d go back to Gabby if she ever came back. I can’t be his for now girl, I deserve better than that, and that’s what I told him today.”

“Well … I now understand why things were awkward between you two earlier.”

“He said his feelings for me were real, regardless of Gabby, and that just wasn’t enough for me. I think there’s still some unresolved feelings there when it comes to her, and until he figures that out and what he wants— _who_ he wants, he and I can’t be anything more than friends.”

“What did he say about that?”

“Nothing.” I shrugged.

“He didn’t say anything?” she asked, surprised.

“He didn’t get the chance because the bells rang, but from the look on his face, I think he was about to confirm my worries and tell me that I was right, that he’s still in love with Gabby, and I just wasn’t ready to hear that. As much as I want to talk it out with him because that’s what we do, I can’t help him with this, it’s something he needs to sort out on his own, but whatever his decision is, I’ll respect it, even if it breaks me.”

It was true, if Gabby's who he wants, I’d support him, because it’s Casey and I want nothing more than to see him happy. There isn't anything I wouldn’t do for him, regardless of the ache he left in my chest.

“Brett …”

Stella looked at me with a mix of disappointment and sadness, I knew what was coming next and it was the last thing I wanted to hear, at least not until I had alcohol running through my veins.

“Listen, Stella, I appreciate it, but I really can’t talk about this anymore, not right now anyway. Can we just get ready and go?” I stood up and grabbed my boots off the floor and set them on my bed then walked into my closet, grabbing the black leather jacket I had bought for a special occasion.

Guess that occasion was girl’s night. Even though when I bought it, I had imagined slipping it on in front of Casey before our first date.

“Just let me say this then we can go. I don’t think you have anything to worry about when it comes to how Casey feels about you, I’ve seen the way he looks at you—the _whole_ fire house has—it’s different from how he looked at Gabby, that man is taken by you, but I get it, I haven’t been in your place. Just know, she’s—” the sound of Stella’s phone ringing from the living room interrupted her.

“Go”— I motioned to the door— “I’ll finish getting ready then we can head out and meet Kim and Hailey.”

Stella hesitated, the ringing stopping for a second before the sound blared out again. “It’s probably Severide, I’ll wait for you out there.” She grabbed her glass off the bedside table and left the room. A few seconds later I heard her cheerful voice echoing though my apartment.

***

It wasn’t long after she hung up that we gathered our things and met our Uber out front. Stella wasn’t lying, the club was only a few blocks away from Molly’s with the line up so far down the street, it rounded the corner; the sound of the music blasting out to the street every time the door opened. I pulled my jacket tight around my body as I followed her to the front entrance, some of the girls in line giving us dirty looks as we passed.

“Stell, are you sure there’s a VIP list? Look at this line, they’re going to be out here all night,” I said, looking back down the line and noticing it was now at least fifteen people longer.

She glanced at me over her shoulder with a smirk. “Yes, I’m sure. I confirmed it with my friend, Zoey, this afternoon. Now come on, Kim texted me and her and Hailey are inside waiting for us.”

Stella went up to the muscular bouncer and gave him our names as he scrolled through the list on the tablet in his hand. “Stella Kidd and guest.” He glanced over at me and looked me up and down, the corner of his lips twitching and making me pull my jacket even tighter around my body.

_Why did I agree to this again?_

The bouncer pulled two purple bands off the stand behind him and handed them to us. “You ladies have a good night,” he said, then pulled the door open and ushered us in.

The loud music and smell of alcohol hit me the moment we stepped inside; the bass vibrating through the floor and up my body.

As Stella reached back and took my hand, I suddenly had a feeling this was about to be a night we’d never forget.


	2. Matt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt deals with the aftermath of his interaction with Sylvie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2021!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this next chapter!  
> If you do, leave a comment! I love reading them and the push it gives me to keep going! :)
> 
> xx  
> ashley

Steam filled the shower as hot water beat against my chest.

_“I’ve wanted this for a really long time.”_

I ended up at Brett’s the other night without a second thought. Stella and Severide were in the middle of making dinner when I grabbed my jacket and left without saying a word. I didn’t want their questions. I just wanted to get in my truck and go to her. I needed to see her, even though I knew the reason she had been avoiding me since Molly’s, I had to hear the words come from her.

When Gallo told Tony and Capp about the accident and how I had jumped from the truck when it was still moving just to get to Brett, he had no idea that he was exposing my feelings for her to everyone at that table—including her.

And as much as I wanted to be mad at him, I wasn’t.

I had no idea what was going to happen once she opened her door, but when I knocked and saw her standing there, looking back at me surprised, it had taken everything in me not to reach out and take her in my arms, but I needed answers before anything. I just wasn’t expecting her answers to come in the form of her kissing me, taking me completely off guard.

I could still taste the wine that lingered on Brett’s tongue when we kissed. Her soft lips moving with mine as her warm body pressed against me, her arms wrapped tightly around my neck. That was all I had wanted for a long time and it was everything I’d imagined and more … until it was gone.

I scrubbed my hands over my face in frustration while her words continued to echo in my head.

_“If Gabby came back to Chicago, right now, tonight and asked you to leave with her, would you go?”_

_“I guess I knew you were still in love with Gabby all along.”_

My fists lightly connected with the tile and I hung my head.

Everything had come to an abrupt stop and it was all my fault but hearing Gabby’s name was the last thing I had expected to hear from Brett in that moment and it threw me off. So much that I didn’t know _what_ to say and the words “I don’t know” came from confusion and shock, but as everything unraveled around me and the hurt filled her eyes, I knew what I said wasn’t true and I wanted to correct myself. Tell her if Gabby ever came back, I _wouldn’t_ go with her, that I had already told her no twice and I still stood by my decision— _both_ times, only the words wouldn’t come out.

Instead, I sat there and let her believe I was still hung up on my ex-wife.

_Fuck._

The hot water continued to beat down on me, heat spreading across my back.

_“I think you should leave.”_

My forehead met the cool tile and my eyes fluttered shut.

The look on her face as I walked out of her apartment still haunted me. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her looking back at me, heartbroken. And the fact that I was the cause of that pain, continued to tear me apart inside. There was so much I wanted to say, _should_ have said, but I didn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but I knew Brett, and I knew what she needed in that moment was for me to give her space and not push her into talking.

Leaving her alone and upset was the hardest thing I had to do in a long time.

“Casey.”

_Bang. Bang. Bang._

“Come on, man. You’ve been in there forever, save some hot water for me.” Severide’s voice shouted through the bathroom door.

I gave my head another quick rinse before I turned the tap off and reached for my towel that was hanging outside the shower door, wrapping it around my waist as I walked toward the counter.

“Casey.”

“Give me a minute,” I called, wiping my hand across the mirror a few times until I saw my reflection.

There was a fresh purple bruise on the left side of my ribs and a gash on my right cheekbone, both from a call that went sideways earlier, but when the alternative was falling fifteen feet to my death—the cuts and bruises were welcome as a reminder of just how quickly things could go wrong on the job.

_Bang._

“Minute’s up.”

I let go of the breath I didn’t know I was holding and pulled open the bathroom door, the cool air hitting my bare chest as I stepped out and walked around Severide, who was leaning against the wall with a towel around his neck.

“Thought maybe you drowned in there or something and I’d have to work on my night off,” he joked, pushing away from the wall, and stepping inside the steam filled bathroom.

“Sorry,” I said over my shoulder as I walked into my room, slamming the door behind me.

After drying off, I got dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater, then went out to the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. As I settled on the couch, I flipped through the channels, and stopped on an old _Blackhawks_ game.

I was halfway through my beer when Severide came out of his room and walked right to the fridge. Pulling the door open he asked, “Need another?”

“Yeah.”

I finished what was left of mine in one pull as he walked over and handed me the bottle then relaxed in his recliner with a smirk. “Do I need to take out something stronger, is tonight one of those nights?”

“Nah.” I shook my head, twisting off the cap and tossing it down on the table. I could feel him watching me, but I refused to play into his game and kept my eyes on the television.

We sat there for twenty minutes neither one of us saying a word. Me, pretending to be interested in an old hockey game, and Severide who, when he wasn’t eyeing me, was typing away on his phone that kept buzzing every few minutes.

I knocked back the rest of my beer then dug my cell out of my front pocket, checking for any missed calls or messages. I wasn’t sure why since Severide was sitting a couple of feet away from me and the only other person I wanted to hear from, wasn’t going to reach out, not after what happened earlier.

I tossed my phone on the table as I got up and went right to the fridge for another bottle. Usually, I was a two-beer limit, even when I didn’t have to work the next day, but apparently tonight was different, maybe Severide had the right idea of getting the good stuff out.

“You sure you don’t want the hard shit?” he said with a half-laugh, his face full of skepticism when he eyed the open beer in my hand.

“Considering it.” I shrugged and turned my attention back to the game, only then realizing how quiet and empty the apartment was. “Where’s Kidd, isn’t tonight date night?”

“It was, but one of her friends opened a new night club a few blocks from Molly’s and tonight’s the big grand opening, so she went to that instead.”

I glanced over at him, furrowing my brows in confusion. “You let her go alone?”

He shook his head, his phone buzzing in his hand. Swiping his finger across the screen, he read whatever came in with a half-smile before he typed out a message then dropped his cell onto his lap. “If you’d been out here instead of in your room brooding earlier and saw what she left wearing, you’d know I didn’t let her go alone.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “I wasn’t brooding.”

“Were you or were you not laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling while listening to whatever the hell that was you were listening to.”

I took a quick swig of my beer. “First of all, I was resting my eyes. Secondly, it was _Bon Iver_ —”

“The only Bon I know, is _Jon Bon Jovi_.”

Ignoring his comment, I continued. “And thirdly, I don’t brood.”

“Okay well, you might want to tell your face that, because you have the whole brooding thing going on.”

“Coming from Mr. Brooding himself.”

Severide’s chest shook lightly. “You mean ex-Mr. Brooding; things have changed.”

He wasn’t wrong. Ever since him and Kidd got on the same page and worked through their issues, they were in a great place and stronger than ever. There was no doubt how much he loved her, and it was nice to see him finally happy.

I leaned further back, resting my left arm on the back of the couch. “So, you wanna finish telling me about not letting Kidd go to this club opening alone or can I get back to the game?” I motioned to the television before bringing the bottle to my lips, freezing midway when the words left his mouth.

“She took Brett.”

Hearing her name caused my jaw to clench and heart to jump slightly in my chest, the ache bigger than it had been earlier. I cleared my throat and took a large sip of my beer.

_Fuck, this needs to be something stronger._

“They’re meeting up with Upton and Burgess,” he continued. “Girl’s night out. She thought Brett could use it.”

_Only because I messed things up._

My head bobbed. “That’s good.”

“Here.” I turned my head just in time to see Severide’s phone fly in my direction. Catching it, I flipped it over and on the screen was a picture I assumed Kidd had sent him, already pulled up.

It was of the four of them huddled together, but I only saw Brett. Her normally straight hair was softly curled, her makeup natural as she was the kind of beautiful that didn’t need a lot of it, and the gold dress she was wearing, not only brought out the color of her eyes, but it hugged her body in all the right places; the neckline teasing her cleavage.

_Holy shit._

Brett always looked beautiful, even in her work clothes, but seeing her in the photo made me feel anxious and annoyed at the fact that a club full of men were currently looking at her like this, wanting to buy her drinks, and hoping to take her home.

And I was none of those guys.

But what really caught my attention, beyond _the_ dress, was her smile . . . it wasn’t a true Sylvie Brett smile. It wasn’t bright or full of life, and it wasn’t lighting up her eyes like it always did. This seemed forced for the sake of a picture—maybe even for the whole night, I wasn’t sure, but her smile was one of my favorite parts about her and seeing her without it, because of me, hurt worse than any injury I’d suffered on the job.

Knowing I caused that light to dim, damn near killed me, and it took everything in me to not throw the phone across the room.

“They won’t be there long.” I passed Severide his phone and finished my beer before continuing. “Brett hates those kinds of places.”

“I don’t know, Stell, said”—he pulled his phone up and looked at the screen—“she’s having a pretty great time. Lots of hot guys are buying her drinks. Her words, not mine.”

My jaw tightened and I spun my now empty bottle in my hands, my grip tightening with each spin. I could see Severide watching me from the corner of my eye, but I didn’t look in his direction. I just kept my eyes forward on the television, even though I had no idea what I was watching anymore because my head was everywhere else but what was on in front of me.

Of course, I had it all wrong and Brett was out having a great time, with her drinks being bought for her—she was a gorgeous, single woman. Any man would be lucky to be with her, she’s damn near perfect. If I had just said what I wanted to say earlier, things could be different, and I’d be the one out with her instead of sitting at home, drinking my sorrows away in a damn pity party I created all on my own.

“Casey, man, where’s your head at? What went on with you and Brett?”

I rubbed my face, not wanting to get into it, especially not with him. “I think I’m going to head down to Molly’s.”

“You gotta talk about it man. You can’t just run from it and think alcohol will make it disappear. It won’t, maybe for a few hours, but take it from someone whose been there, she’s still going to be there tomorrow and the next day, and all the days after that.”

“No offense, Severide, but this is nothing like what you went through with Kidd.”

“You sure about that?”

My eyes narrowed and I shifted in my spot, resisting the urge to get up and leave. “Pretty sure, yeah.”

“Either way, it doesn’t matter. I’ve seen you a lot of different ways, but never like this.” He finished his beer and set it aside before leaning forward, meeting my gaze. “Talk—actually, hold that thought.”

He got up and briskly walked to the kitchen, opened the cupboard, and pulled out a familiar box then came back with it under his arm. Once he was settled, he opened the box and pulled out two cigars and a lighter. “Stella must never know we smoked these in here,” he said, getting both ready before leaning forward and handing me one with the lighter.

“I like my life, so it’s our secret.”

Once we had our cigars light and smoke was billowing from both, he sat back in his chair and looked over at me. “Go on, talk.”

I’ve known Severide a long time and he’s always been the quiet, sits back and waits for you to come to him type. The only time he ever pushes, is when he’s worried, and as much as I wanted to wave him off and walk out of the apartment, there was no point—he’d just follow me.

“I told you about the other night and what happened at Brett’s.”

“No. All you told me was you went to her place, things were great, then they weren’t. I take it the talk I saw you guys having earlier didn’t help things?”

I bobbed my head, rolling my cigar between my fingers. “Only made things worse.”

“How?”

I released a deep sigh. “Long story short? After Brett found out I jumped from the truck for her, we had a moment at Molly’s, it got weird, and then she avoided me all shift the next day—”

“Yeah, I heard all about that, _cowboy_.”

I took a puff of my cigar, looking at him pointedly, silently telling him not to start.

He held his hands up in defense. “I’m just saying, that explains the look the other day.”

I blew out a mouthful of smoke and continued, ignoring his comment. “I ended up at her place that night after shift, thinking I had done something wrong. Turns out it was the opposite and she kissed me.”

“About time.”

I eyed him and dismissed his comment, continuing on. “Things were … good, _really_ good, and then she asked me about Gabby—”

“Gabby? What the hell for?”

“She wanted to know if she came back to town and ask me to leave with her, if I’d go.”

“And you told her no, right?”

“I told her I didn’t know.”

Severide ran his hand over the top of his head as he blew out a mouthful of smoke. “You and I both know that’s bullshit.”

“It’s a little more complicated than that.” I leaned forward and put my cigar in the ashtray.

“Only it’s not. Casey, what the _hell_ man. Gabby left over two years ago, she just walked out on you. Then she comes back for a day or two, then off she goes again. Both times, she asked you to go with her and _both_ times you told her no, so—”

“Severide, I know.”

“Do you? Because I don’t think you do, or you wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now.”

He had a point, but I wasn’t in a mood to agree with him. Everything was upside down. My head felt like a fucked up, cluttered mess which pulled my heart all over the place. While I knew without a doubt my feelings for Brett were real, there was a part of me that seemed to be having a hard time processing the situation, like I was second guessing everything.

I wasn’t sure what it was, but I was starting to believe Brett made the right decision in walking away for me.

“Listen, Casey, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to get on you about this, but I saw you at your worst with Dawson, and it wasn’t good, and I’ve noticed how close you and Brett have grown. When you’re around her, you’re different—in a good way, she brings out a side of you I’ve _never_ seen before.” He brought his cigar up and took a few puffs, blowing the smoke out before he continued. “All I’m getting at is, it’s clear you have feelings for Brett, but are you in love with her? Do you want to be with her or is she just a temporary replacement? And Dawson, what’s her role in all this? Are you _still_ in love with her and waiting for her to come back?”

I knew he meant well and was just looking out, but I was done with the discussion. I no longer wanted to talk about relationships or figure out the mess inside me, instead I needed out of the apartment and far away from any more conversation. Brett was out doing her thing, living her life, and not worrying about anything, and I needed to do the same.

I needed out of my head, and only strong liquor would do the job.

“Listen, I appreciate you trying to help, but I don’t need it. Things with Dawson, and Sylvie and me … it is what it is. It’s my shit to deal with.” I pushed myself up off the couch and walked to the front door, putting my boots on before I grabbed my jacket off the hook.

“Casey. Where’re you going?”

“Where I should have went in the first place.” I was out the door and slamming it behind me before I heard what he had to say.

Stepping outside, I shoved my hands into my pockets as the cool air hit me. It was easy to tell just from the smell in the air and look of the sky, that snow wasn’t far away and before we knew it, another cold, windy winter would be here.

Pulling my keys from my pocket, I waited, knowing Severide wouldn’t be far behind me.

_3 … 2 … 1_

The door behind me pushed open and he walked up next to me with one hand in his leather jacket pocket and the other twirling his car keys around his finger.

“Let’s go. I’m driving,” he said, walking to his car and opening the door, pausing when he noticed I was still standing on the sidewalk, having not moved. “Drinks on me tonight, and I won’t bring her up again.”

I nodded and climbed in the front seat just as he started the car, only to be hit with Taylor Swift’s voice blaring through the speakers. I looked at him amused. “T Swift, huh?” I hollered over the music.

He rolled his eyes, and he tuned the volume down. “Stella drove it last. Probably turned the volume all the way up as a joke.”

“Sure. Who would have thought, Kelly Severide, was a closet Taylor Swift fan?”

“Shut up,” he laughed as he changed the music then pulled out of the parking lot.

There was a lot I needed to figure out, but tonight was not the night for that. Tonight, I planned to drink it all away, especially the thoughts of Brett in that dress, possibly leaving the club with someone else, while in the morning, I’d wake up alone with a hangover and my head still a fucked up, cluttered mess.

But as Severide continued to drive toward Molly’s, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was going to be a long night. Something was coming and the pit in my stomach told me it wasn’t anything good.


	3. Sylvie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvie and Stella meet up with Kim and Hailey for a girl's night out, but the night takes an unexpected turn...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *phew*  
> It's been a while!
> 
> I've seen your comments and messages, thank you so much and sorry for the delay, but the long-awaited chapter is here for your reading pleasure, and I hope it was worth the wait!
> 
> Please enjoy, and if you do, leave a comment! I love reading them and they keep me going! :)

“To …” Kim paused as she held her shot of tequila in the air.

Glancing around the table, Hailey smirked. “Finally having a night off with great friends.”

“Hear, hear.” We all said in unison, tossing our shots back, then slamming the glasses down on the table.

“Ugh. _Why_ does it have to be tequila every time?” I asked, my face scrunched up in disgust as I waited for the burn to take over, further numbing the ache in my chest.

“Because deep down you secretly love it.” Stella laughed, sitting across from me looking like a Goddess unaffected by the grossness that is tequila.

_Lucky bitch._

“Yes, that _must_ be it.” I rolled my eyes jokingly, as I took a drink from my beer.

Hailey and Kim were already sitting at our table when we arrived. Stella’s friend had reserved one in the VIP section toward the back, close to one of the three bars and the bathrooms. The DJ was clear across the room from us, the bass vibrating through the walls, but where we were sitting, the music didn’t sound as loud, which made carrying on a conversation easy as we didn’t have to shout over the music.

The club was in a large warehouse, its wide-open space had a skeleton of raw walls, black flooring, and steel columns every few feet. The décor was sleek and modern, lots of white and greys with little bursts of color popping in the scattered artwork hanging on the walls. Tall round tables with marble tops were set all over, each with two or four tall bar stools made of steel. And behind us, there were four private booths, all with sheer white curtains, and all occupied.

Tonight, was CEVANS grand opening and the place was packed, not an empty table in sight. The oversized dance floor in the center, the surface shiny and black with a slight smoky effect was currently full of people, dancing and grinding up on each other, their hands touching places they shouldn’t in public.

It wasn’t my kind of scene, not anymore. I preferred the smaller places, with less people, like Molly’s. Which is where I wanted to be, sitting at a table, drinking a glass of wine as Herrmann complained behind the bar. The thought to leave crossed my mind after only thirty minutes, but I decided to stick it out for Stella.

“So, Sylvie.” Kim turned to face me, her expression unreadable. “How long have you and Casey been a thing?” She was nonchalant, but her eyes sparkled with joy as a slow smile spread across her lips.

Three things happened in that moment.

One – I choked on my beer mid-sip, a small amount going up my nose, the burn extremely unpleasant.

Two – the bottle fumbled from my hands, a small amount spilling on the table.

Three – my face warmed, without a doubt turning redder than one of our firetrucks.

“Excuse me?” I said through a cough, dabbing my mouth with the back of my hand as Stella handed me a napkin, the smirk on her face for all to see.

“You and Casey. And do not try to act like you don’t know what I’m talking about,” she said looking at the mess in front of me.

“Because we know you do,” Hailey said matter-of-factly, finishing her drink then setting the glass aside.

I wiped my mouth then the mess on the table, before turning my attention to the three set of eyes watching me, amusement dancing from one face to the next.

_Oh pickles._

“I-I don’t know what you mean. We’re friends. _Just. Friends,_ ” I said, sounding nowhere near as convincing as I should.

“That’s not what we heard.” Kim shrugged one shoulder as she took the straw in her drink between her teeth.

“What _did_ you hear? And by who?” I asked, curiously.

“What was it we heard, Hails? Something about a real Captain America moment at fifty-one?”

There was no stopping a shit-eating grin that tugged at Hailey’s lips as she leaned forward, her elbow resting on the table. “Yeah, word is a certain Captain jumped out of a _moving_ firetruck for a pretty blonde paramedic the other day.”

I glanced over at Stella and she gave her head a small shake, telling me it wasn’t her. “And who did you hear that from?”

“I’m sworn to secrecy. All I can say is someone from district heard it from someone over at fifty-one.”

It could have been anyone, but there was only one person who came to mind. One person who saw someone from the district daily. “ _Mouch_.” Stella and I said at the same time.

“And he would never lie to Trudy, so we _know_ it’s true, now come on, spill the details.”

“Yeah, it’s girls’ night after all.” Kim chuckled.

And talking about Matt and everything that happened wasn’t how I wanted to spend the evening, that ache was finally numb, and I wanted to keep it that way.

“Yeah, it’s girls’ night, exactly why I don’t want to talk about this, I don’t want to put a damper on the night. Now, how about some more shots?” I looked around the club for a waitress, but none were close by or looking my way.

She waved me off as she sucked the rest of her drink back. “That’s what tonight is for anyway, Stella said you needed a night out with the girls.”

“She did, did she.” I turned my gaze on Stella who gave me a coy shrug.

“What? It’s true, after everything that’s happened these last couple of months, you _needed_ a night out.”

She wasn’t entirely wrong. From losing Julie to Emily leaving fifty-one to go back to med school, to the revolving door of potential partners—Foster left a huge mark, filling her spot and finding the perfect replacement took time—it had been a long few months. Then Gianna Mackey came along, and everything just clicked, and I knew right away that she was the right person for Ambo sixty-one. Plus, it helped she came highly recommended from Cruz.

On top of all that, there was everything with Matt … so, I guess Stella hadn’t exactly been wrong about me needing a night out.

“Fine, I’ll admit, it has been a rough couple of months and actually being out, somewhere else other than Molly’s, is kinda nice. I’ll give you that.”

“Now that it’s settled, you can tell us what’s really going on with you and Casey.” Kim shifted in her seat as if she were getting comfortable for story time.

“There’s not much to tell, Kim, honestly.” I grabbed my bottle of beer and finished what was left, setting it off to the side. “Things are just … confusing and complicated right now—”

She held up her hand, stopping me. “Wait, so you and Matt, you’re not together—you’ve never been together? What about his big superhero moment? What was that about?”

I shook my head, the ache in my chest slowly making itself known. “From what I’ve heard, he did do that, and I don’t know what else to say on the matter other than we’re friends.”

_Are we though?_

_Do friends kiss and touch each other like the world was about to end?_

“I find that really hard to believe,” Kim said, continuing. “Especially after the other day at the firehouse, it explained the phone call from him, at least I thought it did.”

_Wait, what?_

“I knew this night was a good idea,” Stella said, jumping in before I could get a word out. “Burgess, you’re going to need to start from the beginning, and we’re going to need more shots.” She turned around and caught one of the waitress’s attention, signaling for another round.

As the waitress nodded in our direction, acknowledging she got our order, Hailey’s phone started vibrating against the table as _Halstead_ flashed across the screen. Her smile widened, her face glowing with a happiness I hadn’t really seen before.

“Sorry, I need to take this.” She grabbed her phone and she slid off her stool. “Hey you,” she answered, walking away from our table and towards the bathrooms behind us.

I jerked my thumb over my shoulder. “Wait, that’s a thing now?”

Kim nodded. “Yeah, they finally pulled their heads out of their asses.”

“Only took them, what three years?” Stella mumbled, pulling her cell from the small purse she brought. Her eyes slightly widened, the corner of her lips twitching with a small smile at whatever she was looking at.

“What’s with that?”

She looked up; her brows pulled together in confusion. “With what?”

I motioned to her face. “That look you just had.”

“Oh, Kelly just sent me a little something …” her voice trailed off as she glanced back down at her phone.

I watched, waiting for her to continue, but she never did. She only stared at her phone, her eyes dancing with amusement and her cheeks turning a soft shade of pink. She pulled her lip between her teeth, her fingers moving quick across the screen. “Ew, are you guys sexting right now?”

Stella laughed. “No … well, maybe. But they're out so it’s strictly 14A, wanna see?”

I shook my head, my face turned up in disgust. “I think I’ll pass.” Her words just then registering. “Wait, they?”

Her fingers danced across her screen, her gaze intently on her screen. “They?”

“You said _they_ went out; I was asking who ‘they’ were.”

I didn’t have to ask, I knew the answer already, but I was looking for confirmation.

“Severide and … Casey. They’re at Molly’s right now.”

“Oh good … that’s good. I’m sure all the guys are there anyway, so good—that’ll be good for them.”

“Sweetie, are you _good_ , ‘cause you just said good like four times.”

“Yeah I’m—”

“Good?”

I nodded.

Stella eyed me for a second, her gaze then dropping back to her phone. Beside me Kim had her phone out, her fingers moving across her screen at record speed. I glanced down at my phone that was still sitting face down, it hadn’t made a sound since we got here, and I’d be lying if I said I was okay with that because there was a part of me, a large part, that wanted to hear from Matt, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen, and I couldn’t blame him, not after everything I said.

Back at my apartment, I never told Stella the whole story about mine and Matt’s conversation for the simple fact that I didn’t want to talk about it—I couldn’t, but the truth of the matter was that I was the one who put a stop to things, making it very clear that what happened between us could, and would, never happen again. And I was the one who asked for time and space, but even though I knew he’d respect my wishes and not push, because that’s just who Matt Casey was and I admired him for it, I wish he had pushed back, even a little bit and given me some sort of hint to what he was thinking or feeling— _anything_ , but he didn’t.

He just let it go.

He just let me go.

And that told me all I needed to know—he was still in love with Gabby, and I would have just been a placeholder.

“Alright ladies, here you go,” the waitress said, bringing me back from my thoughts when she approached our table, placing our drinks down along with another round of shots.

 _Perfect_.

Tonight, tequila would help me forget all about Matt and his feelings for Gabby, and then tomorrow I’d figure out the rest.

Hung over or not.

“Perfect timing, I see,” Hailey said as she rejoined us, her smile as big as it was when she left. “Did I miss anything good?”

“Just Stella sexting Severide,” I said, reaching across the table for a shot and tossing it back, the burn barely numbing the ache. The tequila was losing its superpower and now, that pain I had felt when I last saw Matt, was starting to make its way back to the surface.

I had a feeling it didn’t matter how many I tossed back because nothing would erase what I was feeling.

Everyone looked at me, eyeing me curiously as they each grabbed a shot. I forced a small smile and shrugged like it was nothing. “Sorry, I was just really thirsty, didn’t want to lose my buzz.”

Stella eyed me, her brows slightly pinched together before her face relaxed, and she tossed the tequila back. “All right, Burgess, what about the other day and this phone call?”

I wanted to object, tell them this was the last thing I wanted to talk about, that I just wanted to drink my beer then hit the dance floor while the alcohol rolled through my veins, but I couldn’t say the words because as much as I didn’t want to hear it, the part of me that did was much stronger.

“Matt called me after the incident with Halleck and asked if I would come look into it, but I was already on another case, so I told him I’d send an officer to take your statement, and he said that wasn’t good enough.” She grabbed a shot and tapped it against the table before throwing it back, her face puckering with disgust as she continued. “In that Matt Casey tone—”

“I know the look that goes with that tone.” Stella threw in with a smirk. “Sorry, go on.”

“He requested that Intelligence look into things. He wanted someone he trusted because it was you … he said though you’d never admit it, you wouldn’t feel safe out on a call, and he needed you to feel safe.”

My gaze swung over to Stella who had small a smile on her face. He had said that before everything happened. Before the accident, before Molly’s and finding out about the truck, before we kissed, and before I realized he was still hung up on his ex-wife. And I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with any of it, or how I was supposed to feel.

The only thing I did know was it didn’t change things—friends worried about their friends.

I had no idea where we went from here, how we were supposed to work with each other and be around one another after that night happened? How was I supposed to look at him and not imagine his hands all over me or remember the way his lips felt against mine or the way my skin burned under his touch … how could any of that be forgotten?

_It couldn’t._

That’s why thing’s between us would never be the same and why we could never go back—it would be impossible and too hard. And it wasn’t until right then that it really hit me just what I was losing.

Kim’s gentle voice brought me back. “He was just very …” she glanced in my direction, a small half-smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Protective. The way he stood in the room, watching over you, like he was ready to jump at whatever danger was coming, like he would do anything thing for you—it seemed like there was more than just friendship there.”

“Kinda like how Ruzek is with you.” Hailey piped in, one of her brows popped up and a slow sly grin danced across her lips.

“That’s a little different,” Kim said, turning her head in Hailey’s direction. “There’s years of history between us, we _were_ engaged and then the pregnancy … now we’re testing the waters to see how things evolve.”

“Uh huh, don’t act like thing’s haven’t _evolved_ between you two already. You may think no one’s noticed the two of you, but I have.”

They continued their bantering back and forth with Stella jumping in with her two cents on her relationship with Severide, but my mind was stuck on what Kim had said about her and Adam, and their years of history. That was something Matt and I didn’t have, sure we’d been friends for years, since I arrived at fifty-one, but it wasn’t until a couple of years ago when we really started spending more time together, and eventually my feelings for him changed and I slowly began seeing him in a different light.

For so long he was just Matt Casey, Lt. then Captain of truck eighty-one, colleague and friend. And now, he’s become Matthew Casey, Captain of truck eighty-one, colleague, friend, and the man who put my heart in a tailspin while occupying my every thought day in and out, but that would have to stop.

_Somehow._

“Brett?” Stella waved her hand in front of my face, snapping her fingers a couple times. “Earth to Sylvie Brett.”

“Huh?” I shook the thoughts away and they all had their eyes on me.

“I was just about to tell them about the other night when Casey stayed at your place.”

Both of their eyes grew. “Oh! Is that so? What happened to ‘we’re just friends'?” Hailey mocked.

“Yeah, _Brett_ , what’s up with that?” Kim teased, looking at me from under her lashes, sipping her drink, trying to hide her smile.

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, it’s true. he _did_ stay the night at my place—”

“I _knew_ you were holding out on us, and that sexual tension I noted at the firehouse was real. My cop gut is never wrong—”

I held my hand up. “Okay, slow your roll, Burgess. I wouldn’t brag about your ‘cop intuition’ just yet, not until you know the whole story.” I laughed softly, to myself, as I took a long pull from my beer, ignoring that it was partially warm before I continued. “As I said, Casey stayed the night, _but_ it was only because when I got home from shift, my front door was open, so he insisted on staying the night—on the couch. That’s it. _Nothing_ happened.”

Stella pulled the straw she’d been chewing on out her mouth. “Yeah, the man walked in early the next morning, in the same clothes, acting like it was nothing,”

I tucked a piece of loose hair behind my ear. “That’s because it was nothing.”

“What happened with your apartment? Why was the door open?” Kim asked, leaning forward, her arm resting on the table.

“I still don’t know. Once Casey showed up, he checked everywhere and nothing was missing or out of place, so I haven’t the slightest idea.”

“Maybe it popped open after you left for work?”

“Maybe, but I’m positive I shut and locked it behind me.”

“Okay.” Hailey put her hand up, stopping us. “Let me ask you this, who did you call first? Him or the police?” She cocked her head to the side, her expression unreadable.

Detective Upton was in the house.

I wanted to lie and say ‘of course, I called the cops’, but she _is_ the cops, she’d know I was lying as soon as the words left my mouth. So, I shook my head and said, “I called Casey.”

“And then the police?”

I shook my head.

My first instinct was to call Matt, it never crossed my mind to call the cops or even Burgess.

“How long did it take for him to get there?” Kim asked, sliding into her officer role with ease.

“I don’t know, maybe ten minutes. What does it matter?”

She disregarded my question as if she didn’t hear me. “Why didn’t you call the police, or me for that matter since I’m assuming you thought it could be Halleck.”

“I wasn’t sure, thought it could have been the landlord—”

“Does your landlord normally go into your apartment when you’re not home and then leave the door open?” Stella cut in. My eyes sliced in her direction; she was having too much fun with this. She raised her hands in defense. “I’m just asking a simple question, babe,” she said, feigning innocence.

“Sometimes, but he usually calls or texts me, I thought maybe he forgot.”

“Interesting,” Hailey and Kim said at the same time, and looked at each other with a smirk.

“No, no.” I shook my head. “There’s nothing interesting about it, drop your police act, you’re off the clock.” I swished my beer around before taking a small sip, the warmth now making it undrinkable.

“Are we ever off the clock?” Kim asked.

“To get this one”—Hailey nodded in my direction—“to talk to us and tell us what’s going on with her and Captain Casey, I think we might need to be on the clock. Maybe find a room to sit her down in.” Hailey shifted in her chair, looking around the club. “What do you say, Burgs? Think there’s an empty storage room around here?”

“You guys are something else, you know that.”

“Well, if you’d just make a move on the good Captain, we wouldn’t be thinking about extreme measures,” she said, glancing around the club. “Seriously, Stell, you think your friend will let me use her office?” she looked my way with a wink.

Stella cleared her throat and looked at me over her glass, nodding in their direction, her eyes saying what her mouth wouldn’t.

“Wait,”—Hailey pointed her finger at me then Stella, her brows pulling together—“what was that?”

“What was what?”

“That look Stella just gave you.”

I shifted in my chair, crossing and uncrossing my leg. “There was no look. You’re seeing things, see this is why you need a night off and to not always be—”

Kim gasped and pointed her index finger in my direction. “You’re holding out on us. You don’t need to be convinced to make a move on Casey because you _already_ did!”

“Okay, I did”—I held my hand up when both set of eyes widened—“but before either of you get too excited, it didn’t exactly go well.”

Their excitement quickly turned to confusion. “What happened?” Kim asked.

I ran my hand through my hair. “You know … I’d rather not get into. It’s a little embarrassing.”

“Sylvie, it’s not embarrassing. What you did took fucking guts and, all things considered, it’s completely understandable _and_ valid.” Stella reached across the table and patted the top of my hand.

“Tell us, maybe we can help?” Hailey offered, shrugging one shoulder.

I gave them what they wanted. I was only going to tell them the minor details, but once I started, everything came spilling out in record time. I had no way of stopping myself, even if I tried. Once I was finished, both were looking at me, their expressions hard to read.

Perks of being a cop.

A few more seconds passed before Kim finally shook her head, her brows slightly furrowed together. “And what part of this is supposed to be embarrassing for _you_? Because if anything, you should be proud of yourself for knowing what you want and refusing to settle for anything less than that.”

“No, I know, and I am proud of that. It’s just … I told Stella a while ago that the next relationship I got into, I wanted it to be ‘the one’ and then Casey and I … we were spending all this time together and we grew close until—”

“You no longer saw your friend Casey, but the possibility of something more, something great with all these added feelings and emotions, and—”

“A permanent complication that would always be there, hanging over our heads had we taken things further.”

“You mean him still being in love with Gabby?”

I nodded.

“I don’t know, Sylvie. I may not know Casey _that_ well, but having seen him and Gabby together, then seeing him with you the other day, and just hearing everything you said … I don’t believe it. There’s no way he’s still hung up on her when he looks at you the way he does. It was …” Kim paused, contemplating what to say next. “Very overwhelming to witness.”

“Kim’s got a point. Plus, I only met her a few times, mostly at Molly’s, but I’d heard some things about her through Trudy and a few other people, and I gotta tell ya, not impressed—and we all know I’m an excellent judge of character, just look at the bad ass babes I hang out with.” Hailey laughed, knocking shoulders with Kim. “Plus, she pretty much abandoned him and treated him like complete shit, not to mention had a rep of being a reckless paramedic, something that didn’t sit well with the head bosses—last I heard they were glad to be rid of the _headache_.” She didn’t miss a beat and continued. “Honestly, babe, compared to her, you have nothing to worry about. There’s a reason they didn’t work out and believe me, it’s for the best.”

“Damn, Hail’s, tells us how you _really_ feel.” Kim laughed into her glass before she took a sip.

“Sorry, just calling it like I see it.”

“You sure it’s not because your boyfriend used to date her?” Stella smirked.

She waved the idea off. “Nah, he was undercover didn’t really mean anything.”

As the girls went on about Jay, a shadow passed over our table and stood next to me. When I looked up expecting to see our waitress, I was surprised to be met with a pair of piercing green eyes and a smile full of white teeth and dimples.

“Uh, hi, can we help you?” I asked nervously, glancing over at the girls to see they were drinking in the tall stranger from top to bottom.

“I was sitting at bar and saw you, and just had to come over and introduce myself”—he held out his hand—“I’m Nate. Nate Downs.”

He was tall and clean shaven, his dark hair a tousled mess. He was dressed in black dress pants, a white button up shirt with the top open and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows; his thick, muscular arms on display.

I slipped my hand into his. “Sylvie Brett.”

His hand tightened around mine, his voice deep when he spoke. “Nice to meet you, Sylvie Brett.” His smile was soft, but infectious as he held my hand a second longer then released it. “I don’t mean to interrupt your girl’s night, but I’d love to buy you and your friends a round in exchange for a dance.”

I was about to decline, the words right there on the tip of my tongue, but instead what came out surprised not only me, but everyone else at the table. “I’d like that,” I said unwavering as I slid off my stool. His hand found the small of my back and I let him guide me to the dance floor, leaving my friends with their eyes full of surprise and jaws on the table.

There was a part of me that was screaming in protest to stop, turn around and go back to the table. That this wasn’t me nor was it going to help matters, but the other part of me, the one that was telling me to just go for it and not worry about it, was louder and seemed to be in control of my actions because when Nate took my hand in his, I didn’t shy away.

The second we hit the dance floor, Nate spun me around and pulled me into his body, his hands sliding around my waist and spreading wide across my lower back. I gripped his arms as he continued to move us to the beat of the music. It was one of those songs that was meant to be upbeat, but it had moments when it slowed to a sexy beat.

This was the last place I expected to find myself, in the arms of another man so soon after everything with Matt, but I had decided I was moving forward and putting everything behind me, and maybe it was just the alcohol, but there was no feeling of regret. There was nothing but the heat radiating from Nate’s body and the layer of sweat across the back of my neck and forehead.

Nate dipped his head into the crook of my neck, and I felt his lips brush across my skin, making my pulse race as he pulled me tighter against him. He smelled like a mint and tea tree, a combination that didn’t come anywhere near to how Matt smelled. It wasn’t his everyday scent I found appealing; it was when he had the faint smell of smoke mixed with whatever bodywash he used that I found being my favorite. It was unique and in its own way, comforting. And _all_ Matt.

_Stop._

As I shook the thoughts of Matt from my mind, bringing my head back to the moment in Nate’s arms, he hooked his finger beneath my chin and lifted it until our eyes met, but I was no longer met with a pair of piercing green eyes, instead looking back, were the familiar blue ones I’d come to know and fall for. I was no longer on the dance floor with Nate, it wasn’t his arm around me, it wasn’t his chest I was brushed up against, it wasn’t his half smile and eyes looking back at me.

It was Matt.

He didn’t say or do anything but hold me a little tighter, his gaze dropping to my lips then back up. His eyes darkened, melting me in my place, and I didn’t hesitate. I reached up and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him down and guiding his mouth to mine until our lips crashed together.

Dragging my fingers through his hair, I grabbed a fistful. My teeth grazed his bottom lip and then nipped and pulled a second time before I deepened the kiss, his chest vibrating with a groan. Our mouths moved together, unable to get enough of each other, but it was his tongue sweeping against mine that changed everything and sent a chill down my spine.

I ripped my mouth from his and pushed him away, taking a step back as frustration filled the green eyes staring back at me. “What the hell?” he spat.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my fingers, shaking my head. “I-I’m sorry. I should get back to my friends.” I spun around and hurried away before he could say anything and headed directly for the bar.

“Shot of tequila, gold,” I said before the bartender could even ask. “Actually, make it a double.” I needed something strong to wash the taste of Nate out of my mouth.

“Make it two.” Stella motioned to the bartender as she came up next to me. “And just put it on our tab, table in the far corner.” She jerked her thumb over her shoulder.

The bartender nodded as he poured then placed both drinks down and moved on to the next person. We didn’t say anything. We knew each other long enough to know when the other needed a moment without talking it out, and this was one of those moments.

I wasn’t sure what to say. I went with Nate without a second thought, thinking it was a step in moving on from Matt. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting when I followed him on the dance floor but seeing Matt’s face wasn’t it. It felt like him, right down to his hair between my fingers, but as soon as the kiss deepened, I knew it wasn’t him.

I’ve kissed Matt, I’ve tasted him and felt him, and what happened on the dance floor didn’t come anywhere close to the feeling he gave me.

_Would anything?_

“At least one good thing came from that guy.” Stella turned me to, finally breaking the silence.

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” I finished the last of my drink and pushed the glass away, giving her a side-glance.

“Well, now, me telling Severide that you were having a great time and a bunch of hot guys had been buying you drink isn’t exactly a lie.”

“Why would you tell him that?”

“Well, I … may have known he was with Casey and that it would likely get back to him. Call me petty, but it a little dose of jealousy is what he deserves.”

“Stell, that wasn’t necessary. I don’t want to play that game with him, trying to make him jealous and what not.”

“ _You’re_ not, I am. Plus, it’s not like he’ll ever know. Guys are idiots, remember.”

“Still. And there was no drink buying, we just danced and … I may have kissed him.” As soon as the words left my mouth, a chill ran up my spine.

“Oh, you better believe I saw that. You’re lucky Burgess and Upton left to the bathroom, or you’d be getting twenty questions right now.”

“Not from you?”

Stella shook her head. “I get it. I’ve been there and not that long ago, remember. You were just trying to move on.”

I leaned over and bumped my shoulder to hers. “Thanks Stella.”

“What for?”

“Being you, being there for me, and for making me come out tonight—even if I’d rather be at home on the couch with a glass of wine and HGTV.”

“Anything for you, babe. Like I said, I get what you’re going through, not all of it, but the hurt and confusion, and everything that comes with it, that I get.” She hooked her arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. “Side note, you wouldn’t be mad that I sent Kelly that picture of the four of us when we got here, in hopes that he’d show Casey, would you?”

Before I said anything, I caught a glimpse of Kim and Hailey returning to the table, the looks on their faces serious and troubled. I knew those looks all too well; they were in cop mode.

“Something’s up.” I nodded toward them.

Stella and I made our way to the table where the girls were standing close together, looking down at Kim’s phone. “Hey, what’s going on—and don’t say nothing, we know what those looks mean.”

Hailey’s phone started vibrating in her hand. “It’s Voight, I need to take this. Fill them in, and I’ll do a sweep up front.” She had her phone to her ear and was gone without another word.

“Kim, what’s going on?”

“Do you guys remember those warehouse explosions about a month ago? There were three of them only days apart?”

Stella nodded. “Yeah, Kelly and the guys were talking about it not too long ago, the last one killed everyone inside or something, why?”

“The first two explosions killed three people, then this last one, he escalated and everyone, but four people were killed. They had a suspect in custody, and he was looking good for it, but then another explosion happened when he was in holding and witnesses saw someone fleeing the area right before it went off, so he was released. Since then, the bombings stopped, and they figure the bombers in the wind. Meanwhile, all evidence was destroyed in the blasts and everything collected was completely clean of any prints or DNA.”

My brows pulled together. “Okay?” I asked unsure of where this was going, but the forming knot in my stomach told me whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

“According to the eyewitnesses, they saw a man in his early forties leaving the building with a backpack, wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses. They also noticed a scar covering the top of his left hand as well as a tattoo on the side of his neck, other than that they’ve had nothing to go off, the guys been a ghost.”

“I’m not sure I follow … is this an Intelligence case?”

She shook her head. “We’ve been briefed in case he came out of hiding, but when we left the bathroom, we ran into a guy coming from the basement. Older, out of place, neck tattoo, and Hailey’s sure she saw a scar covering his left hand, but it happened so quick that I didn’t get a good look. I just saw him disappearing into the crowd.”

“Is that why Voight called? Cause you think he was the bomber?”

She nodded as her cell went off in her hand and she read the screen. “She got a confirmation on the tattoo, it’s him. He’s here,” she said, her voice strong and steady as she looked around the club.

“What can we do to help?”

“Nothing, it’s a police matter. We’ll will look after things until Voight gets here with back up.”

“If he was here, wouldn’t that mean—shouldn’t we evacuate, get everyone out I before he blows the place?”

“We can’t, if he knows we’re on to him and that he’s here, and we start evacuating, there’s nothing stopping him from blowing the place and killing us all. Right now, we just have to find him and keep eyes on him. Hailey’s going to come from the front and take the far right, I’ll meet her on the middle.”

“What does he look like? We can help, four sets of eyes are better than two. And if we spot him, we’ll call you or Hails,” Stella asked, sliding off the stool.

Kim hesitated then pulled up a photo on her phone and showed us a rough sketch. “This is how he witnesses described him. He’s tall, around six feet, average build. When we saw him, he was wearing black pants and a grey Nike hoodie. You guys cover the middle and make your way to the front, if you spot him, you call or text me, do _not_ approach.”

We gave her a swift nod, grabbed our phones off the table and made our way back toward the bar we had just been at. “Well, this turned into an even more—”

Stella’s words were cut off by the sound of a loud bang and before I knew what was happening, I found myself flying backward through the air and landing hard on the ground, chunks of rock raining down around me. Screams echoed, the alarm sounded, and lights flashed as smoke and dust billowed through the building, enveloping me as the noise began to fade and everything went black.


	4. Matt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halstead and Ruzek join Casey and Severide at Molly's for a guy's night that takes an unexpected turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know ... it's been a minute since I last updated, especially after the ending of the last chapter, but this one was a little difficult because Matt Casey's mind is hard to crack. But I've seen your comments and messages, thank you so much and sorry for the delay! I hope you guys like it and that it was worth the wait!
> 
> Please enjoy, and don't forget to leave a comment! I love reading them and they keep me going! :)
> 
> P.S  
> Katie and Charlie, thank you for being a soundboard when I needed it the most! This chapter is for you!

“What's his deal tonight?” Herrmann asked, stopping in his tracks, carrying a case of beer in each hand.

I shrugged. “No clue. Hasn't put his phone down since we got here.”

“Since when does Kelly Severide sit in my bar, on his phone, having only finished one beer in”—he glanced at the clock behind him—“almost forty minutes? What’s wrong with him?”

“Hey, Herrmann, how do you spell—”

“Don’t.” I held my hand up to stop him. “Unless you want to tell him how to spell some disgusting word, just keep walking.”

His brows scrunched together as he gave Severide a quick once over, shook his head then proceeded back to the bar.

“How do—”

“Nope. I’m not helping you with anymore words, man. I don’t need to know what you’re texting your girlfriend; I now know way more than I’d like to.”

“I’m not apologizing for my girlfriend getting me all wound up before she left. I am a man after all, I have needs.” Severide smirked, glancing back at his phone.

I finished my beer with one last pull. “You need another round? I’m heading up.”

He nodded. “Yeah, this one’s warm now.”

“Well, maybe if you weren’t too engrossed with sexting your girlfriend.” I laughed as he waved me off and I made my way up to the front of the bar.

“Another beer, Casey?” Herrmann asked, tossing the towel he was holding over his shoulder, his hands finding his hips.

I nodded. “Two. And a double whiskey.”

He raised his brow, hesitating before he finally turned and pulled the bottle off the shelf and started pouring. “You know what they say about whiskey, right Captain?” he asked, setting my drink down in front of me then stepping away to grab a couple of beers.

“What’s that?” I asked, lifting the glass to my mouth, and eyeing him over the rim as I took a sip.

“It’s the top choice for drowning one’s sorrows.” He set two beers down in front of me and shrugged. “Read it in a magazine the other day.”

I eyed him, my brows pulling slightly together. “Thanks for the info Herrmann. I’ll keep that I mind.”

“I just meant … I’ve noticed some tension in the house lately between you and—”

“Herrmann, thanks, but everything’s fine.” It came out harder than I had intended it to.

Sylvie was the last person I wanted to be talking about, let alone thinking about. I came to Molly’s to try and forget all about her in that fucking gold dress, but since we left the apartment, all I could think of was Stella’s text about her having a great time with a lot of guys buying her drinks.

Images of her surrounded by men, flirting, and putting their hands on her had consumed my thoughts on the drive over, it had taken every bit of self-control to not tell Severide to take me to whatever club they were at and go in there, take her in my arms, and carry her out, but I knew I couldn’t do that. She made it perfectly clear that what she needed was time and space, and if I had shown up there, it would have just made things worse.

Herrmann placed his hands on the bar and leaned forward. “Listen Casey, if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.” His gaze jumped over my shoulder and a small smile formed. “Ruzek, Halstead, haven’t seen you guys around in a while.”

“Hey Herrmann,” Halstead said as he leaned against the bar, his gaze swinging my way. “Casey.”

I gave both a nod. “Grab a beer and join me and Severide.” I motioned in the direction of our table.

“We’ll meet you there.”

I grabbed our drinks and headed back to the table where Severide still had his head in his phone and that stupid grin on his face. “Halstead and Ruzek are grabbing a drink then gonna join us.” I set his beer down in front of him. “Don’t let that one go to waste, I’m not buying you another.”

“Yes mom.”

I rolled my eyes. “Are you still sexting, Stella?”

“Who wants to know?” He laughed.

“No one—”

“Sexting? Who’s sexting who?” Ruzek asked, taking a seat next to me.

I pointed at Severide with my bottle of beer. “He is, and if you want to avoid knowing the disturbing details, I suggest you don’t ask about it.”

“How old are _you_ ,” Halstead joked, sliding into the seat next to Severide.

“Shut up man, I’m sorry your girlfriend—oh, wait, you don’t have one.” He laughed, sliding his phone into his pocket.

“Actually, Hailey and I …” he trailed off, a shit eating grin spreading across his face as he took a pull from his beer.

“Really?” I asked, the surprise evident in my voice. “I mean, that’s great.”

He bobbed his head. “It’s new, but yeah, it’s pretty great.”

Ruzek took a swig of his beer and set the bottle on the table. “He finally pulled his head out of his ass and made a move, cost me fifty bucks, but I’m happy for them.”

“You bet against us?”

He shook his head. “I wouldn’t say betting _against_ you, more like betting in favor of you, and had you held off three more months, I’d be fifty bucks richer.”

Halstead shook his head with a small laugh. “Can’t believe you and Kim were betting—”

“Kim? Nah man, it wasn’t her. She’d never do that to Hail’s, at least not for fifty bucks.” His chest shook with laughter. “And it wasn’t my idea, I was approached.”

“Approached by who?”

Ruzek shook his head. “I’m not at liberty to tell. I’m sworn to secrecy.”

Halstead eyed him as he crossed his arms over the table and leaned forward. “There is only _one_ person I can think of who would approach you, one person who loves a good bet regardless of who it involves.”

We all looked at Ruzek and said, “Trudy.”

He grinned and shrugged his shoulders, crossing his arms. “Like I said gentlemen, I’m not at liberty to say.”

“Dude, you couldn’t be more obvious, deny it all you want, but we all know it was Trudy,” Severide said, taking a swig of his beer.

“What was Trudy?” Mouch asked, approaching our table with a drink in one hand and the other in his jacket pocket.

“She and Ruzek had a bet going on when this one”—I nodded in Halstead’s direction—“would finally go for it with Hailey.”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you people, but _never_ bet against my wife. She’ll take your money as if she’s taking candy from a baby, it’s one of her many gifts.”

We all laughed. “Thanks for the heads up, Mouch.” I brought my glass to my mouth only to pause when his gaze narrowed in my direction. “What?” I asked.

“You have _no idea_ what your little stunt from the other day did, do you? Because now, Trudy won’t stop watching those comic book movies, you know, the one about the American Captain—”

“It’s Captain America, buddy. You’re really showing your age, aren’t you?” Ruzek laughed.

“Whatever, it seems we have our very _own_ Captain America at fifty-one and he’s going to be the death of me,” Mouch said, taking a long drink from his beer before he continued. “Trudy wants me to start running, _every morning_ at five am, some couch to 5k thing she read about online last night when she was ogling that guy who plays the American Captain.”

“Again, it’s Captain America and I think you mean _googling_ , Mouch.”

“No, I meant ogling, as in going through every picture she could find and commenting on what a perfect specimen he is, but that’s not the point.”

“What exactly _is_ your point, Mouch?” Severide asked.

“That the only running I do is into fires, not for fun—who in their right minds finds running _fun_?”

“A lot of people, Mouch, but listen, I’m sure it won’t be that bad,” Halstead said as he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, looked at the screen then put it face down on the table.

He reeled back, his face scrunching together. “You’ve met my wife; do you _really_ believe that?”

Halstead looked at Ruzek and they both smirked. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

“Hey Mouch, give me a hand for a second,” Herrmann yelled from across the bar.

“Sure thing,” he called back, his eyes lingering on me as he shook his head a slowly. “Just had to jump out of that truck and make the rest of us look bad,” he said, then turned and walked to the bar.

“Okay, what the hell was all that about?” Ruzek asked, his face lighting up with amusement.

“Yeah, why is Platt suddenly nerding out over Captain America? That’s so … unlike her.” Halstead’s brows creased together in confusion.

I took a swig of my beer and waved his question off. “Nothing important.”

Severide laughed. “Your middle name should be denial, ‘cause that’s what you’re in. Denial.”

I rolled my eyes. I knew where this conversation was headed, and though talking about it wasn’t how I wanted to spend the night, the more alcohol I put into my body, the less I’d start to care.

“Jay, you have any idea what the hell they’re talking about?”

“I can’t say I do.”

“You wanna tell the story, or should I?” Severide asked. “On second thought, I think you should tell them, I’d like to hear the whole story myself, and not the point form ‘Casey jumped out of a moving truck for Brett’ version Stella gave me.”

Ruzek sat up straighter. “Shut the hell up, that was you? We heard about some firefighter who did some crazy stunt shit the other day.”

“It was nothing, really,” I said nonchalantly as I looked up at the TV mounted in the corner, they were recapping the day during intermission.

“Okay, that’s a bunch of bullshit. If Platt’s making _Mouch_ start a running program, it’s not nothing. So, either you talk, or I call him back over here and get the dirt from him—your choice, man,” Halstead challenged, his expression unreadable.

_Damn cop mode._

I knew I could change the subject to anything else, but I also knew they’d bring it right back around, there was no way of getting out of this without telling them what they wanted to hear. So, I tossed the rest of my whiskey back and kept my eyes on the TV, feeling their gazes on me, waiting.

“Brett and Mackey showed up to a call the other day, guy overdosing on the couch. They go to treat him, and his brother came out from behind and pulled a gun on them—held it to Brett’s head while they worked on the brother. Luckily, she got them out of there, but the guy didn’t make it, leaving the brother pissed off and wanting those responsible.”

Even though I hadn’t been there, I couldn’t stop picturing how it all played out.

Sylvie standing in that living room, scared and unsure if she’d get her and Mackey out alive. Halleck behind her, pointing the gun at the back of her head, his hand shaking and finger hovering over the trigger.

It wasn’t a surprise that she handled the situation like she did, because Sylvie was a lot of things, but when it came to her job, she was smart, strong willed, and knew how to hold her ground when the situation was dire; it’s what made her a damn good paramedic.

When Boden filled me in on what happened, it took everything in me to not round up eighty-one and head out, but by time the call had come in, they were already on their way back to the house. All I knew was Halleck got lucky that I hadn’t been there, because no one would have been able to hold me back, and both brothers would have ended up in the hospital.

“And this led to you jumping out of a firetruck how?” Ruzek asked, downing the rest of his beer.

“The brother ended up going after the girls on their way to another call. He followed, pulled his gun on them and ran them off the road and over the side of a bridge, his car cashing down next to them.”

“Jesus, and both walked away okay?” Halstead asked.

“Mackey got banged up a bit, but other than that and being a little shook up, yeah, they were lucky.”

_Damn lucky._

It was a miracle that they walked away from that accident like they did. Things could have ended a lot worse and that was something I was having a hard time shaking from my memory.

The moment I saw Sylvie crawl out of the ambulance, all the air left my body and the fear I had been fighting faded away as relief took over. I couldn’t stop myself from calling her name and grabbing a hold of her when she was within reach, desperately searching her for injuries and making sure she was okay; ignoring the urge to pull her into my arms.

“I’d say. Shit man, seeing that happen, no wonder you acted like a fucking superhero.” Ruzek shook his head, about to stand up.

“We weren’t on the call with them. We were heading out to fuel up eighty-one and heard Mackey’s ten-one call over the radio.”

I could still hear Mackey’s emergency call through the radio, Sylvie’s voice in the background yelling for Halleck to stop, followed by the sound of metal on metal and both of their screams, then silence. We couldn’t find them quick enough, every second that went by, my heart squeezed a little tighter in my chest, my breath harder to catch as each radio call went unanswered.

“So, you what, came up on the ambo and couldn’t wait, so you jumped out of the truck?” Severide asked, slightly taken back, his face lined with a bit of surprise.

“As if you don’t already know the story.” Halstead laughed.

He raised his hands up. “Hey, I don’t. I just know that it happened, but I don’t know much of the details as my girlfriend didn’t go into details.”

They set their sights on me, waiting. “When we came up to the bridge, Kidd spotted the place they went over and the ambo was there, laying on its side.”

Ruzek scratched his jaw. “So, you just jumped out of the truck and got down there?”

“I guess so, yeah.” I bobbed my head up and down. “I don’t really remember all the details.”

_If that isn’t the biggest lie, I don’t know what is._

I remembered all the details of that moment, everything leading up to it and after. They were moments I would never forget, no matter how hard I tried. Seeing the ambo crashed like it was woke something in me, something I had never felt before. I didn’t know how nor did I care what it took, in that moment of time I just needed to be down there, I needed to see Sylvie; I needed to know she was alive and okay.

All I needed was the sound of her voice telling me she was okay, so I could breathe again.

“You put all your gear on in the truck and then just jumped—”

I shook my head. “No gear.”

“Matt Casey not only jumped from a moving truck but left all his gear behind when things could have gotten out of hand with one or both of those vehicles exploding, leaving him completely vulnerable and exposed …” Severide said, running his hand over the top of his head. “That’s very unlike you.”

“It’s what we do. I would have done it had it been any other accident. No big deal.”

“ _No big deal_.” Ruzek mocked as his loud laugh echoed around the table. “All right, now _I’m_ gonna call bullshit, because it’s a known fact that you only do something so fucking reckless for the person you’re in love with.”

_In love with? I wasn’t …_

“No, I’m not—this isn’t—”

“Dude, if it’s not love, then how else can you explain what you did? Because I know a lot of guys who have a dangerous job and even they haven’t done anything that compares to jumping out of a damn firetruck that’s moving!”

I took a long pull from my now warm beer, setting the nearly empty bottle down. “I was doing my job. Listen, Sylvie was in danger, there was a guy out there who blamed her for his brother’s death, he had a gun, then hearing her scream over the radio and seeing her ambo like that—I just had to get down to her. I couldn’t wait, I needed to know that she was okay, and of course she was. She’s Sylvie Brett. She’s the strongest, most capable woman I’ve ever known; I wasn’t surprised to see she had pulled herself out of that ambo because she’s … incredible.”

Three sets of eyes full of amusement were on me.

_Shit._

“And he says he’s _not_ in love,” Ruzek said, patting me on the back as he stood. “Next round is on Jay and I.” And he disappeared to the bar only to return a few minutes later.

“Gotta tell ya, Casey, you’re lucky. I do all kinds of reckless shit for Hailey when she’s in danger, but I never get a cool nickname—usually she rolls her eyes and smacks my arm, telling me she had it. Then Voight usually reems me out,” Halstead half-laughed, shaking his head as he grabbed one of the new beers.

“You just don’t know your girl. See with Kim, I know when to step in and when she’s got it, but when I do step in, she calls me her giant mountain man, something she usually calls me when we’re—”

Halstead threw his hand in the air. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence, I don’t need the explicit details about yours and Burgess’ sex life.”

I laughed and pointed at Severide who was checking his phone. “It was bad enough having to know the kind of things this one says to Kidd, it’s quite disturbing.”

He set his phone back on the table face down. “Hey, don’t be jealous about what we do behind closed doors.”

“Believe me, jealousy doesn’t come close to what I feel about your sex life, Severide.” I tipped my beer in his direction with a smirk before taking a drink.

Ruzek grabbed my shoulder. “Casey, before I drink too much and forget, just wanted to apologize for giving you a hard time about the being in love thing, I know this thing with you and Brett is new, so I—”

I looked at him as my brows snapped together in confusion. “What thing between us?”

“Well, you two are together, right?”

I shook my head. “We’re just friends. Where did you hear that?”

“I heard Kim talking about it the other day.”

“Well, she was wrong, Sylvie and I are not … we’re not together—”

“Yeah, that’s a whole can of worms right there,” Severide said as he clasped his hands behind his head and sat back in his chair. “Sorry, but it is and that’s on you.”

I didn’t need the reminder; I knew it was all on me. I knew that if I had just taken two extra seconds to think the other night, things would be different. Hell, I had another chance to tell her how I really felt in my quarters, but again I blew it.

“What happened there?” Halstead asked, sitting back, and resting his arm on the back of his chair.

“I already know this story,” Severide said, pushing his chair back and rising. “So, I’m gonna take a piss.” He was out of earshot in three quick strides.

I glanced up at the TV, running my hand over my jaw. “It’s a long story, one I’m not really looking to get into tonight.”

“We came to hangout and take the edge off, it’s our first night off in a while, but doesn’t mean we aren’t open to listening to a friend, one that looks like he’s got a lot on his mind, right Adam?”

I saw Ruzek nod his head from the corner of my eye. As much as getting everything off my chest would probably feel good, talking about it just wasn’t something I wanted to do. I came out to take my mind off her and everything that had happened, not to sit around and talk about it.

I met Halstead’s gaze and gave him a firm nod. “Thanks, but it’s nothing I can’t sort out myself.”

“Listen man, I get it, you want to bury it and deal with it on your own time, in your own way, but sometimes talking it out helps.”

I grabbed my beer and palmed it between my hands. “Like I said, I can sort it out.”

He held his hands up in defense. “All I’m getting at is … I know what it’s like to have the person you love pack their shit and leave. I know what it’s like to have to pick up those pieces and feel as if you’ll never recover, as if when they left town, they took something from you, something you never thought you’d get back …” He sat back with both hands wrapped around his bottle of beer, spinning it in circles. “I also know what it’s like to meet someone who makes you feel things you never thought you’d feel again, who awakens a part of you that you didn’t even know existed, who makes you question everything you’ve ever known or felt.”

My gaze dropped to Halstead who was staring at his hands as he picked away at the label of his beer. “What made you finally go for it with Hailey? I mean, you guys are partners and work together on a daily basis, not to mention friends, and then … there’s what happened with Erin, and it not working out.”

“So, this isn’t just about Brett, it has to do with Dawson, too.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, my situation with Erin is a little different than yours and Gabby’s, but the night she left town, I had plans to propose—”

“What?” Ruzek said choking on his beer mid-sip. “Propose? Like marriage?”

“That’s usually what proposing means, smart guy. Only Will knew because I had to get the ring from him.”

“Holy shit, you even had a ring.”

Halstead’s head rolled in my direction. “Guys been engaged yet has troubles grasping what a proposal is.”

“I know what a proposal is, I have done one, okay two. I’m just surprised I didn’t know about it.”

“Didn’t think it mattered once Erin left. Thought ‘My girlfriend leaving to join the FBI right as I was getting ready to propose’ was a little …”

“Sad? Embarrassing?” Ruzek joked, tossing a crumpled-up napkin his way. “Can’t believe you didn’t tell me, you prick.”

“Shut up and drink your beer, the grown-ups are trying to talk.” He grabbed the napkin and tossed it back then turned his attention back to me. “Anyway, when I found out Erin left, it flipped my world upside down. I felt lost and pissed off, I wanted to get on a plane and follow her. I almost did actually, bought a ticket and everything”—he held his hand up, stopping Ruzek before he could say anything—“but I didn’t go. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it would have never worked out. Erin was following her dreams and I couldn’t take that away from her, and I wasn’t willing to uproot my life.”

“When Gabby left, she asked me to go with her, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. _This_ is my home, I’m a Chicago guy, and that’ll always be the case.”

Gabby asked me twice to leave with her and both times I said no. At the time I never realized it, but looking back now, it was an easy decision to make. I loved Gabby, I would have done anything for her—I _had_ done anything for her—but before she left things were rocky and we were barely hanging on to our relationship and each other; had I gone with her, I knew it wouldn’t have been long until I was back in Chicago.

It wouldn’t have lasted.

_It wasn’t meant to last._

Jay bobbed his head. “See, over time Hailey and I grew closer and eventually one day she had flipped my world back and everything was better with her in it. Eventually it got to the point where it was either make a move and tell her how I felt or lose her, because she wasn’t going to wait for me forever, and frankly I couldn’t wait myself.”

“Better late than never,” Ruzek muttered, absently looking up at the TV.

Jay rolled his eyes as he took a pull from his beer. “Sometimes you have to ask yourself if you’re willing to just have that person in your life as is, or if they’re worth the fight and risking everything for, because let’s face it, it won’t be easy—it never is, but in your case, Gabby was a huge part of your life. You guys were married, you lost a child, the whole adoption situation, and Brett had a front row seat to all of that. I’d imagine she’s having a hard time sorting through all—”

“If she wasn’t before, she is now, especially after the other night,” Severide said matter-of-factly as he slid back into his seat.

“What happened the other night?” Halstead asked, glancing from me to Severide then back to me.

Ruzek’s head cocked to the side. “Captain Casey, have you been holding out on us all night?”

I sighed. “No, I have not.”

“Haven’t you?” Severide asked with a smirk.

“I’ll tell you what I told him”—I jerked my thumb in Severide’s direction—“After she found out about the truck incident, we had this moment then she avoided me the next day. So, I showed up at her place that night after shift, worried I’d done something wrong. Turns out it was the opposite and she kissed me.”

“And what happened after that?”

“Things were good, _really_ good, and then …” I paused, contemplating whether to continue the conversation or end it, I looked down at the bottle between my hands and picked the corner of the label with my thumb.

_Fuck it._

I sighed. “She asked me about Gabby.”

“Oh boy,” Ruzek said, finishing his beer. “Do we need a round of shots for this?”

I shook my head. “She wanted to know if Gabby came back and ask me to leave with her, if I’d go.”

“And you told her what?” Halstead asked, looking at me as if he already knew my answer.

“I told her I didn’t know.”

Ruzek laughed as he pushed away from the table and stood. “Definitely gonna need that round of shots.”

As we waited for Adam to return, Severide checked his phone and the smirk he had faded and turned in to a frown. “Damn,” he said under his breath as he put his phone back on the table.

“What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing, just haven’t heard back from Stella in a while.”

“She’s probably just having a good time, it’s girl’s night after all. Or maybe her phone died.”

“Probably right, we were just in the middle of—”

I put my hand up, stopping him. “I don’t need to know.”

His chest shook with a small laugh as Halstead continued to sit quietly, spinning his empty bottle between his fingers, eyeing it intently until Ruzek returned with a round of shots and four more bottles. After handing them out, he took a seat, and as he went to toss back the amber colored liquor, Halstead finally broke the silence.

“Casey, can I give you a piece of advice?”

“Sure.”

“I can’t tell you what to do about your situation, but what I can tell you is having to see the woman I love—I know you say it’s not love, but just hear me out—but having to see Hailey with someone else, someone I’m close with”—he glanced across the table at Ruzek then back to me—“wasn’t easy. And even though I knew it wasn’t anything serious, and that I had nothing to worry about, it was still hard, but I was able to move past it and I know I have _nothing_ to worry about.”

“Hey!” Ruzek said, feigning offence.

“Dude, you’re with Burgess.”

He shook his head, disagreeing. “We’re just testing the waters.”

“You guys are always together. You go out after work, you stay at her place or she stays at yours, you are freakishly in sync with each other when you _make coffee_ and you finish each other’s sentences—face it, Ruzek, you guys are an old married couple without the damn paper and the rings.”

“When you put it that way …” He trailed off, rubbing his jaw.

“Anyway, Casey, I don’t know the whole situation, but from what I’ve heard, my guess is Brett needs to know where you stand, in every aspect. If this were Hailey and I, and she was worried about Erin coming back to Chicago, I’d be doing everything in my power to make sure she _knew_ that there was nothing to worry about because that part of my life was over and in the past. I’d be making damn sure Hail’s knew she was the only one I wanted to be with. Maybe Brett needs to know the same?”

I was sure Sylvie knew all that, especially with the amount of time we’d been spending together—she had to know I was over Gabby, I wouldn’t have filed for divorce otherwise. Thinking back, I couldn’t remember the last time we spoke, let alone the last time I thought about her because there had only been one person on my mind the past few months, and it wasn’t Gabriela Dawson.

_But does Sylvie really know?_

I grabbed one of the fresh beers Ruzek had bought and took a long pull. I’d lost count on how many beers and shots I’d consumed so far, but I wasn’t feeling the effects of them, not like I usually did. It was almost as if the topic of the night’s conversation had kept me sober, nullifying the alcohol the moment it entered my body.

“Good luck getting through to this one,” Severide said turning sideways in his chair so he could get a better look at the TV. “I tried talking to him earlier and he stormed out of the apartment and we ended up here.”

“He doesn’t have to listen to anything I say, I’m just giving him my two cents.”

I leaned forward and crossed my arms on the table. “I haven’t talked to Gabby in months, Sylvie’s been the only one on my mind, she’s all I think about, sometimes so much so that I can’t focus on my job.”

“Yet, after making out with her, you tell her you ‘don’t know if you’d leave with your ex-wife if she came back’—are you sure you didn’t stumble and hit your head when you jumped out of the truck?” Severide smirked as he took a sip of his beer. “’Cause _that_ would explain everything.”

I gave him a pointed look. “Funny.”

Ruzek cleared his throat. “If you ask me, if you’ve already told her all of that and she’s still insecure, then maybe—”

“I haven’t.”

Jay’s brows snapped together as confusion clouded his eyes. “I don’t follow …”

“I told her the feelings I have for her are real, regardless of Gabby, but that … I was going to tell her the rest, but before I could, she told me what happened between us couldn’t happen again, and that she needed space. So, I respected her wishes and left it at that.”

I’d give her anything she wanted just to not see that hurt in her eyes again.

“Dumbass,” Severide and Ruzek said at the same time.

Ignoring them, Halstead leaned forward and folded his hands on the table. “There can’t be no ‘regardless of Gabby’ Casey, especially when you said you didn’t know if you’d leave with her if she came back, that right there told Brett everything she needed to know, which was that you’re still in love with your ex-wife. So, she shut that door and locked it, and I can’t say I blame her.”

I picked up a shot glass and shook my head, tossing the amber liquor back like it was water. “I’m not still in love with, Gabby, though.”

“And does Brett know this, have you verbally expressed that out loud to her?”

“No, but … it’s complicated.”

“How’s this complicated? Are you still in love with Gabby?” Halstead asked point blank.

“No.”

“Then what’s so complicated? If Gabby walked through those doors”—he pointed at the front entrance to Molly’s—“right now, and told you she was still in love with you and wanted you back or wanted you to leave with her, what would you say? Would you go?”

“I asked him the same questions earlier and he couldn’t answer them,” Severide said, now facing me and lightly rapping his knuckles against the table.

“Well, now he’s being put on the spot by a cop who doesn’t let shit go. I’ve been in this place, only I figured it out a lot sooner,” Halstead said matter-of-factly.

I wasn’t sure if everything he was saying was starting to make sense because it was true or if it was the alcohol finally working, but he was on to something. Sylvie did assume I was still in love with Gabby, and I never corrected her. It wasn’t because I was still in love with her, but after everything we’d been through, there _was_ a part of me that still did love her.

Was there a difference in being in love with someone and loving someone, I never used to think so. I thought it was all the same, but maybe I’ve had it wrong, because while that part of me that still loved Gabby, I wasn’t in love with her like used to be. I knew without a doubt she wasn’t who I wanted to be with, I’ve known that for a long time now, maybe even before she left town. I just never thought about the differences between loving someone and being _in_ _love_ with someone.

And that’s when it hit me.

I was completely in love with Sylvie Brett.

When I told her my feelings for her were real, I meant it, I just didn’t realize that it wasn’t enough for her. I should have told her how I felt, I should have fought harder for her and not let her walk away from me. I shouldn’t have been the one to cause her pain or make her feel as if she was just some consolation prize, because she’s more than that. I want to be the one who protects her, not the one who hurts her. I want to be the one who tells her every day how incredible she is, because that’s the kind of admiration she deserves.

It didn’t matter if Gabby ever came back to Chicago, she could walk through the door a hundred times over and my answer would still be the same and my choice would always be Sylvie, like Chicago, she was my home and who I wanted to be with. Gabby has my past and I wouldn’t change that, but my future was with Sylvie, because when all was said and done, she was my turning page.

I have already had two chances to tell her how I felt and both times I blew it, the last being the hardest because I broke her heart and just let her walk away thinking the worst. I know she wanted time and space, but I couldn’t give her that anymore, she needed to know how I felt, and I needed her to know as soon as possible.

“And I think he may have just figured it out.” Severide’s voice brought me back, their eyes on me.

Ruzek grinned over his drink. “I think you’re right.”

“And my job here is done.” Halstead’s chest shook with a half-laugh, his face smug and full of amusement as he grabbed his beer and relaxed in his seat.

Ignoring all comments, I hopped off my chair and grabbed my jacket, looking at Severide as I slid it on. “What’s the name of the club the girls are at?”

“CEVANS. Why? You’re going down there _now_?” he asked, surprised and grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair.

I didn’t say anything, only grabbed my cell off the table and checked it for missed messages before I shoved it into my pocket. “You’re coming with? Are you okay to drive?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I only had a beer in total”—he motioned to the full shot glass sitting on the table next his beer that was just under half full—“Maybe I can convince Stella to leave early and we can finish our conversation at home in person.”

Halstead and Ruzek followed suit and put their jackets on. “Since Casey is about to end girl’s night early, we’ll come too and take the girls home,” Halstead said just as his cell vibrated on the table, _Voight_ ’s name flashing on the screen. “Give me a minute.” He grabbed his phone and walked off toward the back of Molly’s.

“We’ll wait for you guys—”

“Holy shit,” Ruzek said, looking up at the TV, his face paling by the second. “What did you say was the name of the club the girls are at?”

“CEVANS.”

Ruzek didn’t say a word, he kept his eyes forward and pointed. Both Severide and I looked at the TV and saw what had his attention.

“Herrmann,” I called, not taking my eyes off the screen. “Turn it up. _Now!_ ”

“We’re getting word that an explosion has rocked one of Chicago’s newest hot spots tonight,” the news anchor said, the bottom of the screen reading _breaking news_. “Details are still coming in but witnesses close to the scene are saying just over ten minutes ago an explosion happened inside CEVANS, the new night club that was celebrating its grand opening tonight. There’s no word yet what caused the explosion or what the casualties are, but we’re being told that there are still people trapped inside. We’ll have more on this story live at the scene after the break.”

“That was Voight, we need to get—”

Ruzek pointed at the TV. “We know, it’s all over the news.”

Halstead’s head whipped around just as the news crew was arriving on scene, but all we could see was a clouds of smoke billowing and the faint sight of the emergency vehicles lights before the news cut to a commercial.

“Remember that case that was brought to us, the serial bomber who was currently in the wind and no evidence except the vague description the eyewitness gave?”

“Was this him?” Ruzek hurried to put on his jacket and swiped his phone off the table, shoving it into his back pocket.

“Come on, we gotta go.” Halstead motioned for us to follow before he continued. “Voight said Hailey called him with a possible ID on that serial bomber about fifteen minutes ago, she and Kim were going to keep eyes on him until he got there, but …”

“But what? What aren’t you saying?” Ruzek demanded as we made our way out the door and into the cold night.

He turned and faced us. “He can’t get a hold of Kim or Hailey. It just rings then goes right to voicemail.”

Ruzek jaw clenched as he dug his phone out and called Burgess, walking away as he waited for her to answer. Halstead watched him walk away then turned his attention to me and Severide, his expression hard, but his eyes nervous and full of worry.

“What is it? There’s something else, now what is it, Halstead?” I asked, stepping forward, my heart racing in my chest. “Sylvie and Stella?”

I had a sinking feeling I knew what the next words out of his mouth would be, but I still wasn’t prepared for the gut punch that came with them.

“There’s a chance they’re still inside. Hailey told Voight that Kim was filling them in on the case and … we don’t know if they got out before the explosion went off.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, I felt the air rush from my lungs. I pulled my phone out and dialled Sylvie’s number, the whole time hoping to hear her cheerful voice on the other end, but there was no answer. I hung up and dialled again, and again, and again, until the ringing stopped, and her voicemail asked me to leave a detailed message.

“Brett … Sylvie, it’s me. Call me when you get this, I need to know that you’re okay, that you got out of that club before it … I just need to hear your voice.”

“Stella’s not picking up, it’s going right to voicemail now,” Severide said, panic washing over his face as he paced back and forth trying her once more.

“Same with Kim, no answer, only voicemail.”

“Sylvie, too.” My jaw clenched tightly as I gripped my phone in my hand, my mind spinning with every possible what if.

She got out, she had to have gotten out. They both did.

_She didn’t. You_ know _they didn’t._

As much as I wanted to continue telling myself that she was out and they’d both be standing a safe distance away when we got there, I knew in my gut that both were still inside. Once Burgess told them what was going on, they wouldn’t have left, even if they were ordered to leave. Knowing them and who they are, they stayed and offered to help in whatever way they could.

“Okay, well Voight want’s us on scene, you guys should meet us there.” Halstead walked to where Ruzek’s Jeep was parked, a few spots from Severide’s, and snapped his fingers. “I’ll drive, I didn’t drink much.” He didn’t hesitate and tossed the keys over as he walked around to the passenger side door.

“We’re right behind you.” Severide dug his keys out as he rushed to his car. “Casey, come on man.”

I barely heard a word he said as I backed away, fear wrapping itself around me. The last place I wanted to be was in a car, I didn’t think it could get me to her fast enough. Instead, I turned around and started running.

“Casey! Where are you going?” Severide called after me.

Ignoring him, I kept running, my arms pumping faster and my legs carrying me forward. I leapt off the curb and on to the road and continued running down the middle of the street, dodging traffic when it came my way. I didn’t know where I was going, all Severide said on the way over was the club was a few blocks over in a large warehouse and being that there were warehouses all around us, it could have been in any direction, but I followed my instincts and veered right. Suddenly, as I rounded the corner and finally heard the sirens in the distance, the bright lights of a car came out of nowhere. I didn’t have any other choice or time to stop, so I jumped up and slid over the hood of the car as it came to a screeching halt; my feet hit the ground and I continued running.

As the sirens grew closer, and the smoke became visible in the sky, my chest tightened and my heart raced faster, echoing through my ears. I could feel the sweat covering my body, forming across my forehead; the cool breeze now doing nothing as the last of the alcohol burned out of my system.

Keeping pace, I continued to follow the sirens as the last time Sylvie and I spoke flashed in my head; the image of her walking away, upset and broken played on a tortuous loop. The thought of that being our last moment together and not being able to tell her how I feel, how I _really_ feel about her, was like a shot of adrenaline that made my legs move faster; burning with each stride and screaming for me to stop and take a break.

That wasn’t going to happen.

_Not until I get to her._


End file.
